Joke #201

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.

Q: What’s the definition of a pessimist? A: A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny. Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke. A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish." After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer." The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared. The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."

Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.

Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?," the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."

There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common? A: They both wipe out klingons.

"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."

Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.

Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.