They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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Chuck Norris doesn't contribute to global warming, he exhales pure oxygen.
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Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
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In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
R. Lee Ermey's war face is the face he made when he saw Chuck Norris ready to attack.
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The Earth does NOT revolve around the Sun.
The Earth is stationary.
The Sun follows Chuck Norris as he makes his daily jog around the Earth.
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Walker Texas Ranger was actually a reality show.
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Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin.
The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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Chuck Norris is so powerful he can jumpstart a car by attaching the cables to his chest hair.
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The Playstation Network is down because Chuck Norris unplugged his PS3.
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