Chuck Norris doesn't daydream.
He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
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When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
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Before the 16th century, the sun really did go around the earth.
Chuck Norris just decided to change it as a prank.
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Got said, "Let there be light!"
Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."
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Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
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Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:
Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
If only telemarketers would have the balls to call Chuck Norris...
Then none of us would have to put up with them again.
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Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
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When the metal detector goes off at the airport, it is just verifying Chuck Norris walked through.
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Q: Wanna hear a joke?
A: Women's Rights.
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.
I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.
I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.
But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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