Never ask Chuck Norris for an autograph. Why? Because Chuck's signature is a straight roundhouse kick to the face.
Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion? Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick.
Chuck Norris boils an egg by holding it.
Allstate gets insurance from Chuck Norris, because even Allstate needs to be in good hands.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
Chuck Norris invented hot sauce. To put on his peppers.
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.