Joke #3487

I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
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A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.
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Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how... An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay his brain bill. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Surfing in Nebraska. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The cheese slid off his cracker. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
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According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
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Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Vote: has 71.35 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife? A: Let him keep her!
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How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

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A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
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What is a "successful hunting trip"? When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
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Why don't men like to drink coffee at work? It keeps them awake.
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