I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons,
I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
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Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?
A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
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Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor.
When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill's wife isn't wearing any underwear.
Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bill's wife follows him and asks, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
John admits that he did.
She says, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."
They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work.
On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m.
He pays Bill's wife $100.
They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves.
When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"
Reluctantly, she replies, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."
Next Bill asks, "Did he give you $100?"
She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100."
"Good," Bill says.
"John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."
This french guy he wants to learn English.
So one day he goes to an airport to learn "take off".
Then he goes to the zoo to learn "zebra".
Then he goes to the hospital "baby"
So one day he walks up too a hot girl on a beach in a bikini and he said "Take off zebra baby" (take off the bra baby).
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.