Joke #3487

I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?" "Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.

How is a man like a microwave oven? Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.

A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."

Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed. When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job. Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!

Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.

Q: How do you piss off a man? A: Stand on his back and piss.

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Question: Why do men fart more than women? Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.

What is the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.