Joke #3487

I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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Q: Why are men so happy? A: Because ignorance is bliss.
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Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie. They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk. The problem was getting Ken to listen.
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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
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Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms. Men say "Big deal. We can fake a whole relationship just for a shag."
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Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want." So here I am.
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Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
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How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night? He controls himself.
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What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
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Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.
Vote: has 43.73 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
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