Keep your friends close, and your enemies close to Chuck Norris.
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If Chuck Norris were a toy, everything about it would be hazardous.
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Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
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Chuck Norris jumped off a building once.
The ground didn't make it.
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Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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Ed and Lorraine Warren have the doll Anabelle locked in a glass case in their basement, a priest comes there every week to whisper Chuck Norris's name in its ear.
The doll locked itself in the case upon first hearing the name.
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Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that unfortunate incident with the dinosaurs.
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Leonardo DiCaprio only starred in Inception because if he didn't, Chuck Norris will enter his dream and roundhouse kick him into limbo.
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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
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Chuck Norris reads with his eyes closed.
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Ghosts are created when Chuck Norris kills people to fast for the grim reaper to prosses.
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