Keep your friends close, and your enemies close to Chuck Norris.
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I got a tattoo of Chuck Norris on my own leg... now it won't stop roundhouse kicking me in the face.
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Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
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When Clark Kent goes into a phonebooth, Superman comes out.
When Chuck Norris goes into a phone booth, it explodes and Chuck walks away.
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The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it.
Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
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Chuck Norris can experience a once in a life time occurrence... twice.
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When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't sweat.
The weights do.
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When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating.
He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.
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Chuck Norris is so hard, he uses diamonds as stress balls.
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There is no backspace button on Chuck Norris' keyboard.
Chuck Norris never makes mistakes.
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Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear...
Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
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