Do you know how Hitler tied his tennis shoes?
In little Natzie's.
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Peter approaches the gates of Heaven.
"Knock knock," says Peter.
Miraculously, someone answers him.
"Who's there," a voice in the distance asked.
"God," says Peter.
"God who," asked the voice?
"GOD DAMMIT open these gates!
I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
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Whats the difference between usain bolt and hitler?
Usain bolt can finish a race...
Hitler calls a meeting of his best soldiers and commanders and tells them "Alright I want to order the assassination of one thousand jews and four hedgehogs."
Then one of his generals stands and says "But... Mein furhur why four hedgehogs?"
Hitler then smiles and says "See? No one gives a f*ck about the jews."
Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.
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An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida.
At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going.
He then tells the officer that we are going to Florida.
The customs officer now asks how long they were going to Florida for.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know how long we are going to Florida for.
The husband tells the officer that they were going for 2 months.
The customs officer then asks where they were coming from.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we were coming from.
The husband tells the officer that they were from Hamilton.
The customs officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that he had dated a lady from Hamilton and she was the worst piece of ass he ever had.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says "He thinks he knows you".
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Q: What is a parrot's favorite game?
A: Hide and Speak!
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Chuck Norris and Hitler were sitting in a cafe.
Chuck said, "I don't like the juice."
Hitler heard him wrong.
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Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: I find you very attractive.
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I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "Mother-in-law" you get the words "Woman Hitler".
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People say that time heals all wounds.
They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris
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