Do you know how Hitler tied his tennis shoes?
In little Natzie's.
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Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.
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I kind a feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
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Q: Why did hitter kill himself?
A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.
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Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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One of Hitler's assistants says to him one day, "Sir, we're mining too many useless ores."
Hitler replies, "Well, mine less."
A grammar nazi then bursts through the door and shouts, "Mine FEWER!"
Hitler looks up and asks, "Yes?"
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
Hitler calls a meeting of his best soldiers and commanders and tells them "Alright I want to order the assassination of one thousand jews and four hedgehogs."
Then one of his generals stands and says "But... Mein furhur why four hedgehogs?"
Hitler then smiles and says "See? No one gives a f*ck about the jews."
Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: I find you very attractive.
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I bought a lottery ticket.
My son asked me: "Dady if your ticket wins $100,000 what will you do?"
I replied: "A travel to Europe, drink best and most expensive wines, making sex by the most beautiful actress and so on."
He again asked: "If unfortunately, your ticket didn't win what would be your action?"
I angrily gazed him then I told him: "I don't move here, drink some booze and beer; fuck your mother."