One of Hitler's assistants says to him one day, "Sir, we're mining too many useless ores."
Hitler replies, "Well, mine less."
A grammar nazi then bursts through the door and shouts, "Mine FEWER!"
Hitler looks up and asks, "Yes?"
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Q: If Hitler would have been a feminist what political system would he have come up with?
A: A dickhatership!
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy.
Everywhere he went, people shouted "Hi Hitler" and gave him a little wave.
Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
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Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
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Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.
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What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?
Ended a race.
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One day, Hitler decided to test out the skills of several prisoners in Treblinka.
As the first test, he had his soldiers bring him out the three prisoners, then line them up before him.
"How high can you jump?" he asks the first one.
"About 1 meter," answers the prisoner.
Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier.
"Take this one back to work, but give him 1 kilogram of rye bread."
After the soldier did as he was told, Hitler stood before the second prisoner.
"How high can you jump?" he asks again.
After a moment of thinking, the prisoner says.
"Two meters, if I really try."
Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier again.
"Take this one back to work too, but give him two kilograms of rye bread."
Observing this, the third prisoner did the maths and hatched a plan.
Finally, Hitler stood face to face with him.
"How high can you jump?" he asked him at last prisoner.
"My most illustrious Führer, I can jump 5 meters!" said the prisoner as a smug grin bloomed on his face.
Hitler frowned before turning to his soldier.
"Tell me, Walter: how tall are the walls around the camp?"
"Three meters, my Führer!" cried the soldier.
Hitler nodded again before turning to the last prisoner.
"In that case, shoot this one: he may become a problem in the future."
The true reason why the Nazi's lost the war was because they stopped trying after they found out Chuck Norris had a summer home in Russia.
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Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
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