How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
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Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms.
Men say "Big deal. We can fake a whole relationship just for a shag."
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead?
A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
Men are like Bluetooth.
When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.
Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
How do most men compare to Mel Gibson?
They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute."
What am I...? A microwave?
Vote:
A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women.
His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them.
Great says his mate, what is it!
Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"