Joke #1405

How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: men

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A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
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has 75.19 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, drunk, men
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
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has 60.08 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: beer, men, political, science, women
What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.
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has 22.36 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men, women, work
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
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has 66.92 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: death, men, military, women
The Perfect Man: - wakes up at 5 am everyday - exercises everyday - makes his own bed - cleans his room - works sincerely - does not touch alcohol - helps in the kitchen - does not indulge in night life - always punctual - prays daily - hits the bed at 9 pm sharp Such a perfect man can only be found in jail.
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has 82.79 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: men
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word: "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
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has 26.64 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, men, wife
One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one." The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?" The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
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has 81.77 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: men
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
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has 25.81 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: men