Joke #1405

How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

Men come in three sizes: Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!

John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

Men are like buses. They have spare tires and smell funny.