Joke #1405

How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
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has 30.11 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: men

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HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked... with beer.
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has 85.02 % from 1090 votes. More jokes about: beer, love, men, romantic, women
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?" "Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?" The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
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has 68.28 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, car, men, sex
When God created the donkey, he said:"You’ll work day and night, and you’ll carry in your back heavy baggage. You’ll eat grass and you’ll have low IQ. You’ll be living for 50 years." "But my God, 50 years is a lot of time for that kind of life! Give me only 30." And so it happened. Then, God created the dog:"As a dog, you’ll guard man’s property and you’ll be his staunch/loyal friend. You’ll eat their left overs and you’ll be living for 25 years." "Oh, Mighty God. This kind of life is unbearable. Give me only 10 years to live, please." And so it happened. Then, God created the monkey:" You’ll jump around, tree to tree, and you’ll act like a fool so people can be entertained by you. You life will last 20 years." "No, God, please! Don’t let me suffer for that long. Give only 10 years to live." And so it happened. Last, God created the Man:"You’re a Man. You’re the only sensible being on the planet earth. You’ll use your inteligence to dominance the other creatures. You’ll be in charge. You’ll life will last 20 years." "But my one and only God, 20 years is not too long to achieve my goal. I beg you to give me the donkey’s 20 years, dog’s 15 years and monkeys 10 years." And so it happen. Since then men lives for 20 years as a man. Then, he gets married and works as a donkey for 20 years by carrying heavy baggage night and day. He haves children and lives as a dog, guarding the house and his property, eating family left overs. And when he grows old, he lives like a monkey. He’s his grandchildren entertainer by acting fool!
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has 68.61 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, life, men
Dad: Hey son want to hear a joke? Son: Yeah! Dad: Pussy. Son: I don't get it. Dad: Exactly...
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: men
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked." With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!" She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!" With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left. The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hell did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
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has 84.71 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: men
This could be considered the ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
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has 76.80 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, family, life, men
If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
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has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: men
"Lisa, why are you so angry with me?" "Because I'm Christine."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: men
How do you know if a man is lying? His lips are moving!
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men