How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.
He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
Men come in three sizes:
Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!
John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
