How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
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What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay?
"Brace yourself, Sheila."
Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?"
Woman: "No."
Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A. One - men will screw anything.
B. One - men will screw up anything.
C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.
Vote:
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked."
With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!"
She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!"
With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hell did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve?
A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the s**t out of you.