How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
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It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws:
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas.
Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve?
A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
Men are like.....Department Stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.