Joke #1460

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.

Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.

Q: How do you piss off a man? A: Stand on his back and piss.

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears? Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son... "Go get your Mother."

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.

Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man? A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.