A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.
"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor.
I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"
"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative.
Please take off your clothes."
The man strips down.
The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.
"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"
"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat?
A: The Grape-full Dead!
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately.
If only men would listen...
Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company."
The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave.
When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there.
Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Surfing in Nebraska.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."