Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
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Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women?
A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
A man and woman were on their first date.
The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer."
The man looked away and turned red.
"What's wrong?" asked the woman.
"I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?"
Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?"
Dan says, "OOOOH WOW!
Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Q: Why are men so happy?
A: Because ignorance is bliss.
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend".
"Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"?
After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife?
A: Let him keep her!
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
A guy walks into an antique store and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits)
The guy says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where your going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"