Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Two men walked into a restaurant, the first one asks for tea.
The second also asks for tea.
"And make sure the glass is clean," he tells the waiter.
When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, "Which one of you asked for the clean glass?"
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked."
With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!"
She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!"
With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hell did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
Men are like......Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are
Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.