Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak! They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used. You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot. They last longer and come with a warranty. You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle. They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it. They come in fashion colors. You can keep them in maximum zoom. They come with replaceable or adjustable parts. The parts that count are portable. They don’t mind over-exposure. They respond to the slightest touch. The one you want is available at a KMART near you.
What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
How many men would it take to mop a floor? No one knows; they've never done it.
The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.