Joke #1491

What do you call a bear with no teeth, a gummy bear!
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
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has 85.88 % from 7744 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, math, teacher, wedding
What is a moo hoo for a cow fight? A cattle battle.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm. He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
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has 45.53 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
What do cows like to do at amoosement parks? Ride on the roller cowster.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you call the everyday routines of rabbits? Rabbits habits.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale? Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. NOW -------- Enough of that crap... The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock. MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal
Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA? It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
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has 18.69 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: animal
How to catch a polar bear: Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal