Which day of the week do chickens hate most? Fry-day!
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!" "What!?" asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head? A tiger moth.
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
What book did the rabbit take on vacation? One with a hoppy ending.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers? From professional courtesy.
What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers.
What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.