Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-day!
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A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot.
He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery?
A: Because it gets you nowhere.
What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits?
A cud thud.
What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Cow.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs.
Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence, snakes.
Vote:
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic!
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars.
An owl enters a psychologist's office.
The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?"
The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night."
The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy.
The next night, a cat comes in.
He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?"
The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy.
The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl.
The cat is told to wait outside.
He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address!
During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in.
The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl.
The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining,
"I was sent to deliver him."
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges?
He's the Easter Bungee.