Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated.
What did the calf say to the silo? "Is my fodder in there?"
What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!
It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that cow's butt.
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again? A dirty double-crosser!
What's a pet's favorite day? Saint Petrick's Day.
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They re both brown, except the snowball.
On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize. "To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'" "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
Q: Why do cops arrest black people? A: Because monkeys belong in cages.
What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.