Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
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Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
One day there were two men.
One was driving a Mercedes Benz and the other was riding a horse, both waiting at the traffic light.
The man in the Benz looked at the horse and noticed something different, that horse was not a normal horse.
It was an electric horse and has 3 buttons in it if you press one button it moves forward, if you press the second button it moves faster and if you press the last button it will stop.
The guy in the Benz was really impressed, so he asked the guy riding the horse if he wanted to trade the horse for the Benz, so he agreed.
They did the trade and the guy riding the horse drove the Benz and went on his way but the other guy was still stuck in the traffic light trying to get the horse to move.
He tried all the buttons but the horse does not seem to be moving so he called the horse owner and asked him if he can come back to show him how to move the horse.
So the guy came back, he pressed all the buttons again but the horse still doesn't move.
He noticed the horse's penis was up so he tells the other guy: "Ohh you forgot to release the handbrake!"
Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."
Men are divided into two groups: 50% are wise and 50% have married.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
