It was a hot summer night.
Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple...
I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
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What famous painting do cows love to look at?
The Moona Lisa.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest.
The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out.
So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole.
The elephant throws his dick into the hole and the mouse climbs out.
Moral of the story: if you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.
When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat.
Sorry...
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest.
The horse says, "I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!"
"
The bee says, "I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!"
The old geezer says...
(We're waiting...)
Vote:
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say.
His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?"
He says"Quack quack Mummy."
His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right."
She says "What does a dog say?"
He says "Woof woof Mummy."
She says "Very good."
She says "What does a cat say?"
He says "Meow meow Mummy."
She says "Yes that's right."
Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go."
His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?"
The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says."
Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"