Joke #1585

It was a hot summer night. Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple... I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
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Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
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What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila? Tyrannosaurus Mex.
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How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'
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How is a rabbit like a plum? They re both purple, except for the rabbit.
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Q. Why did the tiger loose at poker? A. Because he was playing with a cheetah.
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What are the spots on black-and-white cows? Holstaines.
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What weighs 35 tons, has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old? Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.
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Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
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