Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1) No mind. 2) No business.
One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop. J(ohnny):I want a pistol S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols) J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this, S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose? J: For shooting cans. S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one. J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one. S: And what cans will you shoot at? J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...
Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man? A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog. One man says to the other, "Does your dog bite?" The man replies, "No my dog doesn't." The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite" said the injured man. "Thats not my dog", replied the other.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie. They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk. The problem was getting Ken to listen.
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.