Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
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John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?
Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see."
She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Vote:
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.
Vote:
What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company."
The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave.
When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,
I wish I'd never put it on now.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.