Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across? A: A double dirty crosser.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island. The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts. The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!" He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated. Everybody looks at him cross. Then they kick him off the island.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask directions!
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?" Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?" Dan says, "OOOOH WOW! Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar. Man says "you can leave that lion here." The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
How do you know if a man is lying? His lips are moving!
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.