Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...
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Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:None, the sockets go with the house.
Vote:
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested.
After that, He creaed man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.
He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree.
He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
Men are like... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
What is a man's definition of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.