What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man?
Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed.
Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
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What's the biggest difference between men and women ?
Men are crabby all month long.
One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?"
Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?"
Dan says, "OOOOH WOW!
Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please."
"Did you bring a container for this? "
"You're speaking to it."
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Why does a man prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!