Joke #6954

What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man? Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.

How can you tell if a novel is homosexual? The hero always gets his man in the end.

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?" "Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

Two men were talking about their wives. First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please." Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"

A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man.

A young woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a man wearing a cowboy hat. "Excuse me sir but are you a real cowboy?" The man says, "Well I have a ranch and horses. I go to rodeos and raise cattle and other livestock, so yes I suppose I'm a real cowboy." The woman says, "Well I think I'm a l*sbian. Women are always on my mind whether I'm working eating driving or whatever its still the same. I cant get women off my mind. Yes I think I'm a l*sbian." The young woman gets up and leaves the coffee shop. A short time later a young guy comes in and sits down next to the man and asks him, "Sir are you a real cowboy?" To that the man replies, "Well I always thought I was, but just a few minutes ago I found out I'm a l*sbian!"

A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog. One man says to the other, "Does your dog bite?" The man replies, "No my dog doesn't." The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite" said the injured man. "Thats not my dog", replied the other.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing.

What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.

Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant." Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad." Wife: "No, you are not."

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son... "Go get your Mother."