Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed. 
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Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed.
When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job.
Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!
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A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee.
The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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Why is basketball such a messy sport?
Because you dribble on the floor!
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Don’t marry a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
Cricket
If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.