Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed. When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job. Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes *Whack!* "Darn!", but a bad skydiver goes "Darn!" *WHACK!*
Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road? A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the s**t out of you.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?