Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed. When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job. Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
Chinese and American are in a plane. Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry. After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it. While he's gone, American spits into his shoes. Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke. That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry." Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."
"Lisa, why are you so angry with me?" "Because I'm Christine."
Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies? A: A baseball team.
Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!