Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the
whole chicken.
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How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
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Q: How do you recycle a condom?
A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar.
Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy.
"He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again.
He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar.
The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Yeah," replies the guy.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
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Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
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What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"
A: It hasn't come out yet.
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Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
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A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck.
The father says "okay, you know what to do."
Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick."
The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
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