What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
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Q: How big is a Republican-size bed?
A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
Vote:
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
How to Impress a Woman:
compliment her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
listen to her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to Impress a Man:
show up naked,
bring beer.
My wife was dying.
I was by her bedside.
She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright."
"No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!"
"I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word:
"I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
How are men like diplomas?
You spend lots of time getting one, but once you
have it, you don't know what to do with it.
What do you call a woman that works like a man??
Lazy.
An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "Woman without her man is nothing."
The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
Men are like Bluetooth.
When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.