Joke #1792

What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither. He’s bald."

There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? 2 birds. The other 3 fly away!

Boy: "Do you like parties?" Girl: "Yes, why?" Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"

Q: What is difference between man and Superman? A: Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.

I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".

It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.

A couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked... with beer.