Joke #2014

Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?  A: She liked kids...

Chuck Norris Watches "the Nat.Geo. Specials" on Discovery Channel.

A blonde complains to a brunette friend that her Internet is down. The brunette friend offers to let the blonde check her e-mail at her house. "That's OK," says the blonde. "Why don't you check it and forward me what I got?"

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she would like. They came to the living room and she told him that she would like a nice, warm cream color. The contractor wrote something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled, "Greenside up." The lady is a little confused, but doesn't say anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, "I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark." The contractor writes something down on his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, "Greenside up!" The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, "I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here." The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, "Greenside up." The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, "Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?" The contractor replies, "You see, I have four blondes laying sod across the street."

Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It’s not very bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.

A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!" Someone else yells, "Call 911!" The blonde yells back, "What's the number?"

Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

A blonde goes to an international message center to call her mother. When the man tells her it will be $300, she exclaims, "I don't have that kind of money, but I'll do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother." He tells the blonde to follow him and takes her into a back room. He unzips his pants and takes out his penis. The blonde gets on her knees, brings it toward her mouth and says, "Hello? Mom?"