Joke #2418

A tourist was drowning in the sea: Help! Help! He screams. Very calm the fisherman says: Press F1 already and stop screaming. You’re scaring the fishes away.
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has 18.33 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: fish, IT

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Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and... Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We await your direction.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: IT, management, money, time
Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.” Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?” Customer: “Netscape.” Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?” Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?” Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.” Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!”
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has 80.95 % from 212 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT
Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"
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has 85.29 % from 1269 votes. More jokes about: beer, dirty, fish, sex, wife
Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred sing: "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"
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has 31.72 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, wife
Q: Why do fish live in to the salt water? A: For the reason that pepper makes them sneeze!
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has 14.16 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
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has 44.84 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, fish, game
Windows: Weapon off mass destruction!
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has 22.70 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: IT
Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish. He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, "Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish." The fisherman looks around and says, "Well, we are almost out of beer, how about you turn this whole damn lake into beer". *POOF* the genie grants his wish and leaves. His partner slaps him on the chest and says, "What the hell did you do that for, now we have to piss in the boat!!"
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, fish, genie
A rather obese man is very excited about his new job and wants to start work immediately. However, when he sits down at his computer, the only program installed was spreadsheets. Confused, the man calls over his boss and asks:"Why there is only excel installed on this computer?" His boss replies, "It was the only program in your size!"
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: fat, IT, work
Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches!
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has 85.23 % from 1214 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer