A tourist was drowning in the sea:
Help! Help! He screams.
Very calm the fisherman says:
Press F1 already and stop screaming.
You’re scaring the fishes away.
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Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret?
He was a blubber mouth.
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
How does an LA policeman go fishing?
He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.
Why did the lumberjack get nowhere with the internet?
He kept logging on and off.
Me: Siri, why am I alone?
Siri: *opens front facing camera*
Bill Gates dies and goes to God.
God says to him:
Because you invented the screen saver I give you the possibility to go wherever you want.
God shoes Bill that in hell there are lots of naked chicks and beaches.
So he chooses hell.
After a while God returns and asks him if he like’s it there.
Bill says:
No! Where are all the chicks you just showed me?
Oh that! That was just a screen saver.
Your mom is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
The old man had died.
A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
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