What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
"Knock, knock.Who's there?" very long pause... "Java."
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do? Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."
Two programmers in a bar: Do you see that chick there? Look at here “properties”! Yes, I’ve already “tested” here last night... they are read-only!
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.