A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them. One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up." When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress." The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up." He came back and said: "We both have the same problem.”
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
Q: How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan? ´ A: They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise!
What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? "When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, ‘daddy daddy Philip just got taken by the current' and the dad says, "Oh, forget that nigger."