Joke #2592

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.

"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy." Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."

Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball. "I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition." "Batted .007," his wife added.

What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV. "Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?" "I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV," she replied. "You haven’t touched me in months. We’re going to talk about sex right now!" "OK, OK. So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."

I think that it is better to give that to get. You have a very generous thinking. Are you a humanitarian? No, I’m a boxer.

Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"

Yo mama so stupid I told her I was going to the Super Bowl and she told me not to forget a spoon.

Why are black people so good at Basketball? Cause all you have to do is RUN, SHOOT and STEAL.