"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
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A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, "Daddy, daddy, Philip just got taken by the current" and the dad says,
"Oh, forget that nigga."
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Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Why is there no mexican olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder.
Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and Georgia Tech?
A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.
I think that it is better to give that to get.
You have a very generous thinking.
Are you a humanitarian?
No, I’m a boxer.
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24!
What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
Superman is faster then a speeding bullet.
Chuck Norris just runs Superman down and keeps going.
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