"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
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Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep.
I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any.
Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s.
I tried.
But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.
Ricky Ponting's wife calls her husband but Australian Cricket Team Manager attends the call.
Ricky's Wife: "Hello Can I talk to Ricky, this is his wife."
Australian team Manager: "Sorry, he is just going to bat, I am the team manager, any message for him."
Ricky's Wife: "No Problem Manager, I will hold on!"
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Why can't girls play hockey?
Because their pads can't last three periods.
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Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?
Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
What does NBA stand for Niggas Boucing Around.
Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
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