"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
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Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!"
The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!"
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong.
He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Lebron better than Jordan?
Ha! Yea right.
Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.
Vote:
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft.
In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.
Q: What did the basketball say when he got deflated?
A: "Oh balls."
Vote:
What does NBA stand for Niggas Boucing Around.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Para-olympics?
A: Having two legs.
Vote:
Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill.
It took forever to get to the top.
When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "Whew, that was so hard."
The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards."