"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy." Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph. Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
What time does Andy Murray go to his bed? Ten-ish.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
A famous boxer must be operated by appendicitis. From the operation room the doctor gets out holding himself to the walls with a bruised eye and says: A can’t do this anymore! I try to anesthetize him, I count until 9 and he gets up and starts punching me...
What happened to the blond ice hockey team? They drown at spring training.
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one. ‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’ ‘Well,’ says the other. ‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
Yo Momma's a bowling ball. She is round and heavy, men stick three fingers into her and push her in the gutter. Then she comes rolling back for more.
Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. "Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?" "The Red Sox." "Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too." "That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?" "No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"