Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hell.
Petrus says: You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you.
You may choose "heaven" or "hell".
Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table.
Bill takes a look in hell and sees really beautiful women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling.
So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hell!
Once in hell, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire.
So Bill says : hey, what the hell is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sex?
The devil says: 'That was just a demo version."
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George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton were on the yellow brick road, going to see the Wizard of Oz.
When they got there, the Wizard of Oz said they could each have one wish.
''I want to have brains,'' said George W. POOF! He got some brains.
''I want to have a heart,'' said Dick Cheney. POOF! He had a heart (albeit a problematic one.)
''I want to have courage,'' said Colin Powell. POOF! He had courage.
Finally it was former President, Bill Clinton's turn. ''Well, what do you want?'' asked the Wizard.
Clinton thought a moment and asked, ''Ummm... Is Dorothy around?''
How did the blonde die icefishing?
She got run over by the zamboni!
I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.
A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia.
‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor.
‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer.
‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought "Dunkin' Donuts" was a basketball team.
Chuck Norris got a homerun in bowling.
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Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool;
Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael.
‘Who does that seat belong to?’ asked the person in the next seat.
‘My wife usually sits there.’ Michael replied.
‘But why isn’t she here?’ the neighbor persisted
‘She died.’ Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.
‘So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?’
‘They’ve all gone to the funeral.’ said Michael.
Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
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