Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hell. Petrus says: You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you. You may choose "heaven" or "hell". Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table. Bill takes a look in hell and sees really beautiful women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling. So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hell! Once in hell, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire. So Bill says : hey, what the hell is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sex? The devil says: 'That was just a demo version."
Twenty teams in the league and you are in the last place? Well, it could have been worse. How? There could have been more teams in the league!
The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
Did you ever wonder how the moon got craters? 3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.
The wife of a boxer wakes up because of the sounds that come from the dining room. She wakes her husband up: Rocky, I think someone wants a particular boxing lesson...
One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work. He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa. So Stan goes over to his wife and starts fucking her from behind. After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head. His wife yells, ''What was that for!?'' To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!" Concerned, his partner turns to him "What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
What does NBA stand for Niggas Boucing Around.
How about we march into your red zone and I'll split the uprights? High five!
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."
Chuck was once on the Olympics and he won all the medals but he was disqualifyed for roundhouse kicking the judges because they misspelled his name.