A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.
Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse. They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Chuck Norris got a homerun in bowling.
What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer. Basketball
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants. High five!