A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
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At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.
Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.
Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.
Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."
Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green?
Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?
Vote:
What's a mexicans' favorite sport?
Cross country.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
Chuck Norris hit a home run in a football game.
Vote:
Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?"
Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
Football match Romania – Russia.
Romania wins and receives a telegram from Russia:
“You’ve won!
Stop.
Congratulations!
Stop.
Oil!
Stop.
Gas!
Stop...
Q: What do you get if you cross a football team with a flower center?
A: Nottingham forest.
Zeke: Why were the swimming elephants thrown out of the Olympics?
Kyle: I haven't a clue.
Zeke: Because they couldn't keep their trunks up!
After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge.
As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed.
Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!"
A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!"
I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."