Joke #2642

A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, when a loud booming voice says, "You will find no fish there." The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice booms again, "You will find no fish under the ice." The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?" The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."

Yo mama's so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat.

The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.

Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.

Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"

What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!