Joke #2642

A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? A: The big hand touches the little one.

Q:Why don't hockey players drink tea? A:Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.

My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing. But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.

Twenty teams in the league and you are in the last place? Well, it could have been worse. How? There could have been more teams in the league!

Chuck Norris sky dives without a parachute.

Chuck Norris can dunk a basketball using his feet.

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there. The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died." "Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one. ‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’ ‘Well,’ says the other. ‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’

Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.

Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.