Joke #2794

The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!

What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common? The Hanger.

The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.

So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!

Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over.

Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.

Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday? A: An easy bake oven.

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"

Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!