Joke #2794

The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.

What do you call of 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower.

Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple. The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

Black humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.

My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"

A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.