What do you call a nun in a wheel chair?
Virgin mobile.
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Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust?
A: The cost.
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Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth?
A: All of them.
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My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
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The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.
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How do you stop an Iraqi tank?
"Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
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Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish.
After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns.
Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news.
She opens the door and hears Fred sing:
"Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"
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Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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A guy has a bad habit:
He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives.
So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't.
Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid.
Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.
So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch.
They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street.
He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable?
A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.
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First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?"
Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
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