Joke #8203

What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin mobile.

Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.

"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."

Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.

Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"

A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life. The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies. He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened. The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes. The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black? The golf pro said that they did paint them into black robot caddies, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.

Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.

My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.

A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying. He walks over to her and asks what's wrong. "I've never been hugged before" she says. Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her. She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before." The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss. She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem. "I've never been fucked before" she says. So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're fucked."

Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.