What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin mobile.
Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.
*Wakes up to wife and son screaming* Me: "What are you guys yelling about?" Them: "You're driving!"
Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway? He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade. Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? - Because black people have no rights..
I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.