Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks... Husband: And what the dentist said?
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together? A: In case you miss.
Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard!
My wife and I really love bondage. She loves it because she's a kinky bitch. I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.
In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex." The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?" Johnny says, "Seventy-three." The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..." She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?" Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl." Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.
What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers? ‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’