Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks... Husband: And what the dentist said?
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex. I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom. Because he never f*cks up.
‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen
What is 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.
A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash. ‘What?!’ shouts the assistant. ‘Come again?!’ ‘No!’ shouts back the woman. ‘This time it’s mustard!’
Q: Why do black women lose their hair at an early age? A: From all of the hair pulling during rape.
Small boy to friend: ‘What would you do if a girl kissed you?’ Friend: ‘I’d kiss her back. What would you do?’ Small boy: ‘I’d kiss her front.’
A doctor asks a patient while examining her: How many sex partners did you have? 5 or 6, don't remember exactly.. Hmm, not that many... Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend.
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?". His teacher replies "NO" Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me". "OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger". She again says "NO". "But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again. "Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON" Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".