Joke #2797

Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks... Husband: And what the dentist said?

AT WORK, Michael: Why you white guys always so happy? Casey: Because I make love to my wife every morning before work. Michael: Say whaaat? You get her to make love EVERY morning? How do you do that? Casey: It's easy, I just say a poem, women love poems and will fall for them all the time. Michael: Ok, what kind of poem can you say to make her make love every morning? Casey: I say, "blonde hair, blonde hair, eyes of blue, I love to wake up and make love to you. Michael: HAHAAA she falls for that? Casey: yes you should try it. NEXT DAY TYRONE COMES IN WITH BLACK EYE FAT LIP AND A TOOTH MISSING. Casey: What happened to you? Michael: Well, I said a poem to my wife and she didn't like it. Casey: She didn't like it? What did you say? Michael: Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, if I could roll your fat ass over I would do you like a dog.

There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".

The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."

My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...

Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!

Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. Steve Martin

Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.

An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day. The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever. People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground." The banana says "You think thats bad? People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor." The penis laughs. "You guys have it easy. You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.