Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
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Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
Just say, "Fees."
In the High Court:
Do you know what you get for false testimony?
Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder.
After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted.
The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’.
The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a locker room in the police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a spermatozoid?
Only one from 30.000 gets a man.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that!
What's the big deal about a two-story house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is...**I have a headache** and the other story is **It's that time of the month!** "