Mrs. Williams: Ok kids let's play soccer SMACK! Anna:OW! Mrs. Williams: What happened Anna? Anna: Andy punched me! Mrs. Williams : Why did you punch Anna,Andy? Andy: You said let's play sock her, so I did.
A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, "I am a deaf mute. May I please play through?" The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, "No, you CANNOT play through." He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, "I can't believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that! Shame on you!" The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole. Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold. When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.
He was a colourful boxer. Black and blue all over.
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks him if he's done any good. The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery. The man says, "I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany. The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play when I awarded a penalty against England." "Yes," responds St. Peter, "That was a real act of bravery. Can you tell me when this took place?" "Certainly," the man replies. "About three minutes ago."
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan." The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!" Concerned, his partner turns to him "What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
Did you hear that the boxer Colloso Mamello, was disqualified? Yes, but why? Because he was superstitious. He had a horseshow, hidden in his glove...
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 3 niggers? In trouble. What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 niggers? Coach. What do you call a white guy surrounded by 1000 niggers? Prison Warden.
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.