What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream?
Aston Vanilla.
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The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
"Darling."
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis?
A:Telling your parents that your gay!
A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting.
I'm not getting up."
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences:
The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.
The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.
The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football.
The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.
The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.
The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
Vote:
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong.
He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Q:Why don't hockey players drink tea?
A:Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are those?, asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.
“Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman.
“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.
“Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”