Joke #4116

What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream? Aston Vanilla.

You know who's mad at Kobe? Every other player in the NBA. You know why? Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring. Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum. Cause you know how women are, man. Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"

Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

There was a school about learning roundhouse kicks. No one finished it. Why? Chuck Norris kicked them with a roundhouse kick. It's his only weakness so no one must know how to do Roundhouse Kick!

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

Yo mama's so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat.

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."

Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"

Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games? A: Because there's not a fan in the place.

Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water? A: Swimmers are farting.