A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?" "No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
Why did the football coach flood the pitch? Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team. They drowned during spring training.
What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? "When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing. To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
What’s a swimmer’s favourite sport? Pool.
Did you hear about the small golf course? You don’t have to shout ‘Fore!’, only ‘two and a half’.
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.
Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.
Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!" Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"