A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan.
The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man.
The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
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What do golfers use in China?
China tees!
During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders.
The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You are such a big, burley guy.
Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman?
She is no bigger than your hand."
"That's right, Coach," replied the lineman.
"But, she's much better!"
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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Yo'Mama is so stupid, she threw a baseball at Batman.
Why did the captain lose the yacht race?
He found himself in a no-wind situation.
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy."
Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.
Chuck Norris became famous when he coached the American rugby and America won the fifa world cup.
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