A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan.
The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man.
The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
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Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.
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A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep.
I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any.
Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s.
I tried.
But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.
Twenty teams in the league and you are in the last place?
Well, it could have been worse.
How?
There could have been more teams in the league!
Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise!
Football match Romania – Russia.
Romania wins and receives a telegram from Russia:
“You’ve won!
Stop.
Congratulations!
Stop.
Oil!
Stop.
Gas!
Stop...
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
How about we march into your red zone and I'll split the uprights?
High five!
Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common?
A: No Cubs
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods.
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