Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
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One day, Hitler decided to test out the skills of several prisoners in Treblinka.
As the first test, he had his soldiers bring him out the three prisoners, then line them up before him.
"How high can you jump?" he asks the first one.
"About 1 meter," answers the prisoner.
Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier.
"Take this one back to work, but give him 1 kilogram of rye bread."
After the soldier did as he was told, Hitler stood before the second prisoner.
"How high can you jump?" he asks again.
After a moment of thinking, the prisoner says.
"Two meters, if I really try."
Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier again.
"Take this one back to work too, but give him two kilograms of rye bread."
Observing this, the third prisoner did the maths and hatched a plan.
Finally, Hitler stood face to face with him.
"How high can you jump?" he asked him at last prisoner.
"My most illustrious Führer, I can jump 5 meters!" said the prisoner as a smug grin bloomed on his face.
Hitler frowned before turning to his soldier.
"Tell me, Walter: how tall are the walls around the camp?"
"Three meters, my Führer!" cried the soldier.
Hitler nodded again before turning to the last prisoner.
"In that case, shoot this one: he may become a problem in the future."
The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.
The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.
At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approached the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means to lay down a base of fire!).
The Marines promptly laid down a base of the fire.
The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.
The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!"
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Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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How do you stop an Iraqi tank?
"Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
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A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.”
The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”
On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?"
After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!"
At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there
was silence for about ten seconds.
Then a small voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?"
As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.”
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow.
I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”
Which month do soldiers hate most?
March!
Iran reveals a plan to test its first Chuck Norris within a week.
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