A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp.
When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.."
The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area."
"Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..."
The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me oral-sex voluntarily...?"
The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
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Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Vote:
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”