Q: How does Mike Tyson differ from Metallica?
A: Metallica leaves a ringing in your ears.
Tyson leaves your ear in a ring.
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I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
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There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team.
They drowned during spring training.
I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.
I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.
The Lamaze class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Did you hear that the boxer Colloso Mamello, was disqualified?
Yes, but why?
Because he was superstitious.
He had a horseshow, hidden in his glove...
A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, "Daddy, daddy, Philip just got taken by the current" and the dad says,
"Oh, forget that nigga."
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Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
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Chuck Norris walked his version of a 40-yard dash in 5.6 seconds; he was later told it was the Boston Marathon.
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Do people who run know that we're not food anymore?