Q: How does Mike Tyson differ from Metallica?
A: Metallica leaves a ringing in your ears.
Tyson leaves your ear in a ring.
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A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal.
Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet.
Of course, they should at the court.
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Billionaire Richard Branson has withdrawn from a sponsorship deal of Chesterfield Football Club.
He stated that 'he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ... when they get fucked every week !'
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
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A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?"
"Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
Two guys are out hunting deer...
The first guy says, "Did you see that?...pointing to the sky."
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!" the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind?
There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!"
"Yah, Ok", says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice.
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"
This time pointing behind them.
By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says, "Yah, I SAW IT!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?
A: Because they can't stop saving their work.