In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft. In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move? A: The splits!
Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.
Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don’t stop fooling around, we won’t bring you next time."
Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!
Q: How does David Beckham change a light bulb? A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him.
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
They presented him with a cup when he was a boxer. It was to keep his teeth in.
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one. ‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’ ‘Well,’ says the other. ‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’