A guy walks into an antique store and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits)
The guy says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where your going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"
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An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "Woman without her man is nothing."
The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Vote:
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Men are like buses.
They have spare tires and smell funny.
Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it
If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.