What’s sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
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Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?"
Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
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I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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What do you call an incestuous nephew?
An aunt-eater.
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What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated?
"Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
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Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.
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At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs.
He replied, "Depends."
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A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast."
And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt."
Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was."
But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?"
The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
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Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?"
A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?"
"No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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Q: How do you eat a frog?
A: You put one leg behind each ear.
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