What’s sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
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Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
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Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game?
A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
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Dan staggers into the shower.
He notices that his d**k is bright orange.
He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor.
After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?"
Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."
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What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree?
Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.
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Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.
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Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof.
While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind.
The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down.
So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."
So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"
And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
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What did the dad say when his son said, "Dad I'm tired of walking in circles?"
"Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."
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What's grosser than gross?
Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.
What's even grosser than that?
When one of them throws up.
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Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Para-olympics?
A: Having two legs.
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Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy?
A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.
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