Joke #3334

Men are like guns. Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
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Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor. When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill's wife isn't wearing any underwear. Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife follows him and asks, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admits that he did. She says, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work. On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m. He pays Bill's wife $100. They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves. When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replies, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asks, "Did he give you $100?" She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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Why is a man different from a PC? You only have to tell the PC once.
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If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
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Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
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Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.
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God said to Adam, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a p***s. The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"
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What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.
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Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.
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