Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
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After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,
I wish I'd never put it on now.
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar.
Man says "you can leave that lion here."
The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush.
"Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman."
"OK," says Ivan.
After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."