Why couldn't the skunk use her phone? It was out of odor!
There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it. Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks. So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a beer and he ask the Bartender about the contest. The Bartender tells him that whoever makes the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free beer on the house. So this guy whisper something to the horse and the horse rolls over and laughing! EEEHHH! He takes the P5,000 from the Bartender, drinks a lot of beer. As he is about to leave the Bartender ask him, "Will you be back tomorrow when we'll have a new contest?" The guy replies" Of course this is easier money than my career." So the next night. The guy walks into the Bar with a large smile and reads the sign next to the Horse: Whoever makes the Horse cry will win P10,000 and free beer from the house. The Bartender tells the guy," Let me see you win this one." The guy approaches the Horse and shows him something. The Horse starts rolling on the ground and crying. When the guy goes to claim his prize. The Bartender says." Before I pay you, You have to tell me what you did to the horse?" The guy lights a cigarette and says," Easy the first time, I told the Horse that my penis is larger than his, the second time I showed him."
What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station? Because it's a mane-lion station.
I love my cat. My cat does not care.
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.