Joke #6957

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit? Are you gonna eat that?
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has 44.56 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
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has 42.96 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex, weather
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
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has 56.42 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed
A lady walks into a fancy jewellery store. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little "accident!" she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"  He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."
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has 83.22 % from 775 votes. More jokes about: customer service, dirty, money
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
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has 84.17 % from 1272 votes. More jokes about: dirty, Santa
What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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has 50.00 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, vulgar
Q: What do you say to a man with five penises? A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
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has 64.51 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
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has 45.29 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, math, teacher
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
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has 64.90 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, fish, husband, wife
Insurance companies are trying to set new guidelines before approving Viagra coverage. What will they use to set those guidelines? A growth chart.
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has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, money, viagra
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
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has 58.00 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, music