Q: What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?
A: A widower.
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Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."
Wife: "No, you are not."
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions!
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
How to Impress a Woman:
compliment her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
listen to her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to Impress a Man:
show up naked,
bring beer.
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
When a woman gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when a guy orders a 240 volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collecting tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream 7.1 sound system, he's called a pervert.
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