Q: What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?
A: A widower.
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What does a man call true love?
An erection.
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons,
I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot."
The husband responds, "Who is he?"
The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage."
"Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve?
A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"
They put one man on the moon.
Why can’t they put them all there?
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army.
McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall.
They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"
"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."
"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country."
"Well, my men are very brave, too."
"I'd like to see that."
So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson!
I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"
"Are you crazy?
It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:
"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."