Joke #3196

What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.

How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.

What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A rumor.

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.

Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.

Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.