Joke #3196

What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one.
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A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
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Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff. Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt. She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!" She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman." He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
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Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
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Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.” Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. ”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”. ”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
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A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
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