What is a man's definition of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
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A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.
The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years."
The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Food cold!" the man replied.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?"
"Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"I quit!" said the man.
"Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane.
During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace.
When the woman asked him: "Are you interested in my necklace?"
"No lady; I would rather its runway!" answered the guy.
Vote:
How do you know if a man is lying?
His lips are moving!