What does a man make best for dinner?
Reservations.
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Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve?
A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Q: How do you piss off a man?
A: Stand on his back and piss.
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One day there were two men.
One was driving a Mercedes Benz and the other was riding a horse, both waiting at the traffic light.
The man in the Benz looked at the horse and noticed something different, that horse was not a normal horse.
It was an electric horse and has 3 buttons in it if you press one button it moves forward, if you press the second button it moves faster and if you press the last button it will stop.
The guy in the Benz was really impressed, so he asked the guy riding the horse if he wanted to trade the horse for the Benz, so he agreed.
They did the trade and the guy riding the horse drove the Benz and went on his way but the other guy was still stuck in the traffic light trying to get the horse to move.
He tried all the buttons but the horse does not seem to be moving so he called the horse owner and asked him if he can come back to show him how to move the horse.
So the guy came back, he pressed all the buttons again but the horse still doesn't move.
He noticed the horse's penis was up so he tells the other guy: "Ohh you forgot to release the handbrake!"
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please."
"Did you bring a container for this? "
"You're speaking to it."