There are 5 birds in a tree.
A hunter shoots 2 of them dead.
How many birds are left?
2 birds.
The other 3 fly away!
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Men come in three sizes:
Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
When you have a man staring at a naked Playboy model, be sure that he doesn’t wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!
Q: What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?
A: A widower.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed.
When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job.
Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!
Vote:
How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.