There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? 2 birds. The other 3 fly away!
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So they can find their way back to the house.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
Men are like......Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
How can you tell if a man is lying? You can see his lips moving.